
Isabel liked better to think of the future than of the past; but at times, as she listened to the murmur of the Mediterranean waves, her glance took a backward flight. It rested upon two figures which, in spite of increasing distance (time) were still sufficiently salient; they were recognizable… It was strange how quickly these gentlemen had fallen into the background of our young lady’s life. It was in her disposition at all times to lose faith in the reality of absent things; (object permanence) She could summon back her faith, in case of need, with an effort, but the effort was often painful, even when the reality had been pleasant. The past was apt to look dead, and its revival to wear the supernatural aspect of a resurrection. Isabel moreover was not prone to take for granted that she herself lived in the mind of others — she had not the fatuity to believe that she left indelible traces…” – page 230, Portrait of a Lady
Reading these words… leaving indelible traces… more likely to look toward the future than the past… the past was apt to look dead… and losing faith in the reality of things absent…
This was like coming home for me. This is something I experience often and no one about me seems to recognize or understand. To them, it simply means: I am not paying attention, or I forgot… or I do not care?
This can lead to some strange situations, like when my husband goes out of town on trips… it appears he does not exist anymore… I have to move on and make a life without him… at least for now. And it also can have some strange reperucusions in that I assume the person away from me… removes me from their memory as well, so they no longer care about me…
This is not a comfortable way to operate and makes for some serious readjustment when people come home or for a visit!
What is your own opinion?
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