women’s moral character Thursday, Nov 29 2007

 

In our on-going discussion of men vs women or Should men get married?  it was argued back and forth that in regard to marriage and divorce and child custody the legal system that seemed unfair to women in decades past has now completely turned around and given women the benefit of the doubt in every case and is unfair to men. Many of the commentors were less than kind in their stated opinion of women and their behavior and character in our culture.

“How can a marriage work when one of the spouses comes into the marriage who is not accountable for any of their actions legally or culturally because of their gender?”

Men had the upper hand for years, and yet there were many who loved and respected their wives…who didn’t feel the need to exercise their culturally condoned right to beat their wives black and blue.

Just the same, there are good women today who are appalled at man-hating, who see marriage as a promise made to God, and whom would view divorce as a monumental failure of their own moral character.

I’m one of them…of course, I’m already off the market!

Some in the discussion thought this comment off the point and could not put this together with the idea that women are all bad and the legal system favors them. If women are all bad then who is this woman commentor? And where did she come from? Perhaps another generation when much more was expected of both men and women? Respect for themselves and the opposite sex? Women were expected to be honest, trustworthy and hard-working among other things…

These days the highest compliment that can be paid to women is that they are SEXY… That is it… However, it takes almost no effort whatsoever for a female to appear sexy. A little shopping, make-up and hair time, and there you are. Mostly that is a given. And as we know men are not always so discerning between individual women and their physical appearance… So what have women to aspire to? No one is asking them to step up and learn much, work hard and respect and support those she loves… she is not expected to do this or even think in these terms. All she needs to do is to dress in tight and revealing clothing, strut about in 3 inch heels and hook-up with anyone available. Hmmm… sounds a little more like a hooker than a good woman? Well… this is currently women’s highest calling, and the men have taken advantage of it. So if men are looking for someone to marry… good luck! The sex will hold out just as long as it does with everyone else… and then on to someone else. This is the pattern and this is what you can expect!

What is your own opinion?

One Response »

 

Plan B looks a lot like Gilmore Girls Wednesday, Nov 28 2007

PLAN B:I’d always envisioned myself living a life like the Gilmore Girls — though, say what you will about that fantasy, but I still maintain that Lorelai Gilmore is a kick-ass mom.

This comment by a 30-something female, not unlike many others these days. They expected (Plan A) to find someone to love and marry and have kids with and live happily ever after. But, hmmm…. that did not materialize.

So on to Plan B… be a single mom by adoption…from the U.S.A. or from foreign lands… whatever. But now China, for instance, is no longer releasing children for adoption to single, old, obese or… possibly individuals with hang-nails? (reason being that the more developed a country gets the more able they are to take care of their own children available for adoption)

Hence… Plan C… not sure what that looks like yet? Lots of cats? Or be the trophy (?) wife and raise his kids? hmmm… this will take a little more pondering…

What is your own opinion?

Leave a Response »

 

why not go to church? Tuesday, Nov 27 2007

As for going to church, well, I hear you. I want to like church. I wish I liked church. But on the blue-moon occasions I go, I always emerge blinking in the sunshine and thinking “Damn, that was just as deadly dull as I remember it.”

Still, why not go to church with your daughter? What do you have to lose, except a little time? (And if she’s right about there being a God and a heaven, then you stand to gain it all back, and then some, on the back end.) There are such things as fun churches. When I lived in New York I used to go to services at a Baptist church in Harlem: people sang, swayed, clapped their hands. The sermons were funny, and the congregation would heckle the priest. My kind of church – the opposite of the dour, funereal Lutheran tradition I was brought up in. Maybe there’s something a little more lively like that in your neighbourhood?

Perhaps Michelangelo might agree with our commentor? He probably envisioned and created this massive “church” for fun and frivolity… for heckling the priest and swaying and clapping?

What is he thinking? Does he think God would be pleased with an attitude of rebellion and “what’s in it for me?” If he is right about “what if” God exists and you should cover your bases… I am thinking this might be… just not enough.

Think on it for a moment… if you were God and you created “all this” where we live and breathe, and you made possible beautiful creations dedicated to your glory… why in heaven’s name would you be satisfied with some guy saying… well, if I can do it my way and keep it short… I’ll think about it… maybe.

What is your own opinion?

2 Responses »

 

Success in Iraq & Capt. Kj Monday, Nov 26 2007

 

So… here it is Monday-after-Thanksgiving weekend. Some concentrated on family and fun… or missing family and not so much fun for a while… just a warm-up for Christmas this year I guess. Well… at least our Capt. Kj is back from Baghdad this year! Yes! But the rest of the family moved away and it seems a little more lonely around holiday times…

That being said… on a more global scale… Sen. Lieberman has just returned from his third trip to Iraq in a year. He said a year ago we were losing… however NOW WE ARE WINNING! We are winning because the Iraqi people have realized that the enemy is Al-Qaeda and not us. The Iraqis are returning to their homes and their businesses. There is less death and less injury. Al-Qaeda is LOSING!

The anti-war democrats and much of the media and many of us just plain pessimistic regular citizens need to acknowledge the changes in the war in Iraq and become invested in America’s success and especially the success of our troops. All their calls for “We support the troops, bring them home” (in failure), would become “We support the troops and acknowledge their success in Iraq!” Who knew?

Perhaps this so-called anti-war election in 2008… won’t be so much about the war in Iraq… for if you read the silence of the democratic candidates correctly… you do not hear the anti-war people crying loudly about “Bring them home now!” What you hear is…. silence…. and let’s talk about the… economy. Remember no one has to apologize or say they were wrong… we just get quiet and move on… and hope that everyone forgets what you said last time. Is it any wonder that we do not trust a word that comes from a politician or media person’s mouth? And is it not just another symptom of our current post-modern culture that there is no need to apologize or retract a statement? For if I was just voicing MY TRUTH at the moment, then I was right. And if MY TRUTH of this moment is different due to circumstances beyond my control…darn… then that is MY TRUTH now… does this confuse you?

On a further note, if success continues our troops should start coming home in July!!! Happy thought indeed! Come on home and proudly… and maybe Capt. Kj won’t have to go back?

What is your own opinion?

Leave a Response »

 

Men lay down the law? Saturday, Nov 24 2007

 

In the on-going debate over men vs women, or otherwise Should men get married?, one commentor volunteered this:

“I agree with Mike that respect is essential for a woman to love a man. I met so many “nice” guys when I was single that I couldn’t help but look down on. They whined so much! My husband only whines for comic effect (which is acceptable).
Its kind of cheesy, but I think Doc Love’s advice is kind of right on to guys looking for wives.
You don’t have to be a jerk, but for heaven’s sake only a cruel manipulative witch wants a push over.”

…and a cruel manipulative witch is what most men in on the recent discussion thought of the majority of women. For instance:

“This isn’t 1979, this is 2007, and culture, expectations and the law has changed, so let me bring you up to date: As a man in 2007, you cannot ‘take charge’ with a woman, you cannot ‘tell her what to do,’ or ‘lay down the law,’ be ‘firm,’ ’stand your ground,’ or ‘dominate’ with a woman or in other words, ‘be a man’ or a ‘man in charge’ that women want. Why? Because today that is now considered ABUSE and a woman will call 911 in 3 seconds if you so much tell her ‘no’ TO ANYTHING. GOT IT? GET IT? GOOOOOOOD.

Try being a man today in 2007, then get back to us and let us know how it goes, until then, you don’t have any idea what you’re even talking about.”

 Perhaps instead of concentrating on what a man in our culture cannot do… it would be wise to consider what an honorable man can do? He cannot force a woman to be something she is not. So it would be to his advantage to look for a woman with whom he has more in common than just sex. If you  begin a relationship on the foundations of honor and integrity instead of hooking-up, then there would be far more chance of success in the long run.

Granted, I am not a man. But I am married to one that I respect! I respect and honor him because he is a good man, meaning he is honest, generous and hardworking. I can trust him with my life and that of my children. We mutually respect and honor one another. We do not belittle each other when alone or in front of others. We do not shout, call each other names, threaten, throw things or beat upon one another. However we do love each other and honor our vows to one another and God. Our marriage would not be written about in the tabloids and they would not make us the subject of a movie. Loving and giving to one another each day, year in — year out — is not newsworthy or provocative… but it is a great love that has endured throughout many years and I am thankful for it and I know my children are thankful for the legacy that it has provided them.

It takes two committed honest, generous and hardworking people to make a marriage succeed. It is not finding the “right” person or the perfect person that makes it work… as much as our culture tells us that is the ultimate ingredient. It is the person who has integrity and is committed to marriage without a doubt. When we find someone that we like and respect and who is able to commit to marriage… not just for a time… but for all time… that is when we have found the “right” person and found a marriage that will stay together over the long term.

P.S. My husband does say “no” to me… carefully. He does tell me when he thinks I am handling things in a less-than-expected manner, as do I. When we disagree… he gets the ultimate tie-breaker vote… and the sole responsibility. It is not impossible for men and women to get along… it is just a challenge and one that takes years… and years. If you quit… or never officially start… you cannot run the course and succeed! This is a challenge…  If we could do it then why is it impossible for you?

What is your own opinion?

Leave a Response »

 

pre-nup? Thursday, Nov 22 2007

 

From a commentor on Ask Dr. Helen’s blog:  Never, ever get married without a pre-nup. I know it sounds harsh and unfair, especially when you’re supposed to be entering marriage for life and all.

But look at it this way; if she isn’t ok with it, then you’re finding something out that is very important, right? Remember, current law will take away the lion’s share of everything you ever did and will do.

Ah… here we are back at our most gritty subject… the gender wars… or Should men get married? And my current take on the “pre-nup” is much more positive than in former times. I formerly was of the opinion that a pre-nup was simply saying “we are planning on failing in this marriage and when we do here is how we will split things up… or not.”

After sensing the current feel of our culture and the inability of young men and women to commit to anything or anyone… I think it is prudent and reasonable. In the current climate of men and women distrusting each other in general… it would only seem wise to take the precaution that if your judgement is less than excellent in picking a husband/wife… (and think on it… what practice do we have… we are only supposed to do this once…) then at least we can have a fair and equatable sharing of the proceeds from that marriage. That would suppose that it would not include those holdings each had before marriage… but those acquired during the marriage. This would seem only fair in light of the fact that people are getting married at a later and later time in their lives and have already separately acquired some holdings on their own.

Think on it this way… you stay married… you get to share in it all! You split up… you share only in what is fair and reasonable for the time that you were married.

Does this sound like “true love” or “soulmate” and “happily ever after?” Not so much… but at the same time it does not sound angry and hateful.

What is your own opinion?

Leave a Response »

 

advice to young men: don’t get married! Wednesday, Nov 21 2007

A week or so ago I became aware of this article, “Should men get married?” dealing with gender wars and men’s current disinterest in marriage. I read the article and the myriad responses and comments that it engendered… and I can truly say that it disheartened me and shamed me for both the men and women who would behave in a way that produced this much pain and suffering in others… and then shame again for men and women writing in this tone of hate. I have pondered and labored over how to write about this subject… not knowing exactly how to approach it, and  have discovered others have recently gone before me… so that is where I will start.

Bloggers blogged upon it and we are all comparing notes and opinions. Rather than simply commenting on this and that… I thought I would pull together the ideas and reference several bloggers that have already commented. Then in future posts I intend to take a look at specific “comments” and yes… I will voice an opinion…

From the original source: “There is mounting evidence that as men discover the terms of marriage and divorce today, they are engaging in a marriage boycott or marriage “strike”: refusing to marry or start families, knowing they can be criminalized if their wife walks out and how attractive the divorce industry has made it easy for her to do so. ….Sonja Hastings of Fathers-4-Equality says that “no matter how decent, hardworking, and caring you may be as a father, that in the event of separation, you will more than likely not get custody of your child, you will lose up to 80% of all of your assets, you will have to pay up to five times the cost of raising a child, and most importantly you could never see your child again.” In Britain a fathers’ rights group tours university campuses warning young men not to start families. Even one attorney writes a book concluding that the only effective protection for men to avoid losing their children is not to start a family in the first place.”

Captain KJ makes a point of pulling together the themes that are voiced in both the article and the comments:

• The legal neutering of men when in disputes with women
• The decline of traditional morals and degeneracy of our culture at large
• The tearing-down of men, especially by the media — alternately, they are portrayed as bumbling idiots or crazed violence-mongers
• The knee-jerk response: “Hey, wait, plenty of women are still being victimized! Men don’t have a monopoly on suffering…”
• The sour grapes response: “My ex-wife was a [fill in the appropriate expletive here] and now I hate all women!”

And Neo-Neocon weighs in on her post: “Getting Married, What’s in it for Me?”

“But I have to say that the level of vitriol expressed in the comments section in response to this article by Dr. Helen at Pajamas Media surprised me and disheartened me, even though I’ve read similar discussions before online. The general flavor of comment after comment there—mostly from men—can be summarized as follows: “The bitch screwed me” with the corollary, “Women are all like that.” The formerly married say, “Never again,” and the never-married merely say, “Never.”

There-in you have the basis of the argument that “all men are evil” and the coinciding argument that “all women are evil.” Now we have set the stage… and that is not my favorite part. Hence… letting others who have gone before… do it for me! Ah… it doesn’t get any better than that!

What is your own opinion?

3 Responses »

 

Life’s short… talk fast! Tuesday, Nov 20 2007

Life’s short… Talk fast!

I keep thinking that Gilmore Girls can finally be put to bed… all over…. done… finis… but then I just find the shortest and most appropriate quote… and I have to finish-up one final post…

And that is my own opinion!

Leave a Response »

 

manipulation Tuesday, Nov 20 2007

If for instance the generations before the boomers were stoics and did the right thing and did not say the wrong thing… or anything… 

And the boomers let it all hang out and said anything and everything that dribbled out of their brains… or at least their mouths…

and as an effect of that cultural-shift now everyone says whatever enters their thoughts… meaning situations like the Gilmore Girls constant blow-ups and drama, or just-about-anyone’s-family where they voice whatever mean or hurt feeling they desire without thought or time to temper it and with “hear felt”  vehemence… so that much shouting and stamping of feet and crying and falling over one another ensues…  

But we want to do things “right” and appropriately… which does not translate in this culture… so how do we communicate with others? If we do not 1) tell them what we are thinking, or 2) tell them how we are feeling, or 3) tell them what we would like them to know,or 4) what they should do  (because of course they (everyone) are grown ups and that is not our job), or… well… what is left? 

Some say we can only offer our opinion when we have the right and if we are voting members… or if they are “sinning,” so that we are obligated to tell them for righteousness sake. Otherwise it would appear that we are trying to “guilt” or manipulate them. Since it would seem that we have no re-course but to talk very little to others and then only to tell them they are wrong… we are definitely going to clash with the culture and ALL the people in it.  Now where does that leave us?

What is your own opinion?

One Response »

 

Funniest Dog Costume Ever? Monday, Nov 19 2007

And not slutty at all!

Now this is a costume I might consider!

What is your own opinion?

Kind of a happy fellow for being eaten by an alligator!

4 Responses »