catholic marriage Wednesday, Dec 19 2007

 

I have said before that men should get married only if they wholly commit to the Catholic sacrament of marriage, and are absolutely sure their intended does too. By that I mean the whole enchilada: no sex outside of (or prior to) marriage, no divorce (and in case of abuse/adultery, no remarriage after separation), and no contraception either. Otherwise, there is no compelling reason for a man to marry.

Non-Catholics (and some Catholics too) will undoubtedly have reservations about the above, but our culture is long overdue for a hard conversation about how our having progressively shed each of the assumptions above has brought about the decline of the family and created a culture disposed toward narcissism and familial abandonment. If family bonds are a thing that can be broken as well as created, then marriage becomes “legalized fornication” and a transactional, not a covenantal arrangement.  Oct 31, 2007 08:45 AM

I could not pass up this comment on the idea of Should Men Get Married? What a thought indeed… a return to less freedom, in the sense of choosing or changing our minds… but more freedom to love and commit… without the fear of abandonment…  ah… this a thought worth pondering…

What is your own opinion?

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nice girls don’t get married Tuesday, Dec 18 2007

 

Here is what I see happen all the time: Guys marry women who are stellar examples of womanhood PHYSICALLY. That these woman lack character isn’t a consideration, they are nasty pieces of work, but look good. Meanwhile these guys have as friends some stellar examples of women with good character whom they ignore as potential wives. These women aren’t ugly but they don’t fit the definition of beauty given in the media. Only very rarely do I see women of good character get married. Why? I see needy witches get married all the time. Why?

Quite a thought… I do know a number of twenty and thirty-something young women that intended to get married, dreamed of getting married, patterned their lives in order to be able to get married… and in time… were surprised to find that marriage at this time has passed them by.

They waited to the “right” man. The mature man. The dependable man. The decent man. The trustworthy man.

But he did not appear… at least for them. They may have good friends that talk with them, enjoy their company and spend time with them… but then when it comes time to get married… these men look off into the distance and find someone that more closely fits the pattern of our culture… a sexy little girly girl that spends her self-absorbed life shopping and putting on makeup and looking cute.

And this is what these men will get… someone that ultimately is not up to their standards or intellect… but look cute and sexy… but with no substance and tenacity…

This is a sad thing…

Maybe young men should be expected to spend less time on their video games and tv sports and more time on “how to deliberately find the perfect mate of good character?”

What is your own opinion?

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commitment to the “right” one Monday, Dec 17 2007

 

“The only “trick” to having a good marriage is finding the right woman to marry.” The same thing applies to women looking for men. With right defined as someone you enjoy spending time with, who you respect, who shares your values, and who you want your future kids to be like.

This is such a little quote, but with such profound meaning in several areas. Most importantly the idea that the person you choose to marry and commit your life to should be someone you want your future kids to be like… highly profound. If we thought more often before we decided to “hook-up” with one person or another… or “date” them for a time… not so seriously, but because nothing else is available at the moment… if we simply took the time to think… if we have sex and get pregnant… our children from this liason will be committed to this man/boy forever. We have the choice to stay with this person or not. The child of this union has no choice… he/she is committed for life. Make sure that the person you choose to have sex with is someone that is deserving and appropriate of more than our lust or passion… but also of a trust and commitment… in case the inevitable comes about… and also remembering that through this child you will be committed to this other parent throughout the years… simply because of a choice made without thinking…

What is your own opinion?

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marriage reluctant sons Sunday, Dec 16 2007

 

I have 3 very marriage reluctant sons in their late twenties and early thirties.This is what I tell them. First be a man and then marry someone with self confidence that you respect. If you are looking for someone to reafirm your manhood 24/7 you are probably going to be disapointed in marriage.

Women today are busy. They can only dedicate a certain amount of time to bolstering your image of yourself so you had better come into it with a secure knowledge of who you are and who she is.

If you love her for who she is not for how she makes you feel about yourself then it will likely work beautifully.  –Mama73

Women are too busy and/or successful… and men are too imature and irresponsible, and both are too self-absorbed to care what someone else thinks or wants, and try to please them.

Perhaps the advice most of us would give in this predicament of “whom should we love?” and “whom should we marry?” to a younger generation is simply outdated… we tell them of choosing a good man or woman, of trust and commitment, and a life partner that will “do the right thing, even when it hurts.”

But sad to say… those things along with a good work ethic and wanting to love someone for their good, not our own preference and then stick to it… commitment… seems to be a virtue from the past… not something that this generation understands… or is willing to participate in…

What is your own opinion?

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look at the woman’s community (family) Saturday, Dec 8 2007

 

Men, if you want to get married, look at the girl’s family and community. If it’s full of long-term, happy marriages, then that’s what she’s had as role models. She’s a good prospect.And it’s even better if her community and church offer such things as marriage counseling, and voluntary married retreats, because then she has probably been exposed to the fact that good marriages need work. After all, I grew up with the idea that marriage is a promise and a task, and chose my husband accordingly. He’s the sort of friend I’d always want to be with, and someone who is going to support me as I support him.

This comment from a reader of Should Men Get Married recently. Good advice from my point of view after many years of marriage… and of observing those around us. 

My husband’s parents got married, stayed married and went to church together… and their parents before them. But most of their siblings did not… and many of their kids did not.

My parents stayed together… got married and stayed married. Their parents did not, nor did their grandparents… and all of their siblings divorced.

And in our generation… two out of three siblings in my husband’s family are still married and my siblings… 3 our of 4 are still married.

It seems that we cannot avoid divorce altogether… even with the best of odds and the best of parents.

What is your own opinion?

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